写作原文
In the given picture, there are many parents standing the gate of (outside)the examination room. As we see, they are so worried that the sweat began (begin)to pour down their face. In china, it is common knowledge that the exam decides (may determine)the future of children. Hence, it reflects the problem that the (加上current Chinese表意更完整)educational system is unreasonable.In fact, the problem has existed for several years. Especially in china, the examination score decides the children’s development in the future.(语法正确，但句意不合理。改为the examination score may influence children’s future development.)In a sense, the examination seems to be the only standard that chooses the talents(can be used to select talents). Furthermore, it is so terrible educational system (the educational system is so terrible). I think we must take some effective measures to solve this problem.In my opinion, I think we should adopt the following measures. On the one hand, we should reform the educational institution and establish a more flexible approach to choose the talent (select talents). On the other hand, parents should give up the idea that the exam is the only key to judge (measure)children’s ability.
总体点评
本文立意正确，内容切题，结构完整,需注意以下问题：1、文章的立意虽然正确，且深入切题，但文章的内容不够丰富充实，原因分析不够深刻。第二段在分析造成现象的时候提出了三点“考试决定孩子的未来”“考试是选拔人才的唯一标准”“教育制度很差”——“考试为什么会决定孩子的未来，它怎样决定了孩子的未来?”“为什么是选拔人才的唯一标准?(在现有的实情方面，因为其他方法难以实施和操作)”“教育制度很差，体现在什么方面?”2、文章内容的衔接逻辑不是很清楚，如第二段先说“考试决定未来”后说“考试是选拔人才的唯一标准”，而实际上“正因为在目前考试是选拔人才的唯一标准，所以考试在某种意义上决定了孩子的未来”。3、文章依然存有少许汉式思维的句子，有的词组搭配不合理，应在此方面加强。多模仿一些经典佳句。因此，建议作者以后在写作之中不要提笔就写，先列出一个大纲，把自己的思路理顺，使自己的文章逻辑清晰，通顺流畅。加油，祝你考研成功!!!
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