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3月雅思考试:雅思作文批改实例展示之飞行

03-26

 

  WRITING TASK 2

  You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

  Write about the following topic:

    One long-distance flight consumes fuel which a car uses in several years’ time, but they cause the same amount of pollution. So some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourist travel, rather than to limit the use of cars.

    To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

  Write at least 250 words.

  As known by (1) all the individuals (2), pollution is one of the severest (3) threats human beings faced , (4) which result (5) in myriad focuses and worries. However, some people’s idea on flight limitation cannot be accepted by myself (6). Reasons are outlined below.(7)

  1.习惯上用介词to。

  2.另外,这句话属于废话,纯属凑字数,完全没有意义,直接删掉。

  3.severe的比较级/最高级通常是在前面加more/ most,加-r和-st不常用。

  4.face这个词可以用主动语态,也可以用被动语态。如果是主动,这里应该是human beings face,如果是被动,这里应该是faced human beings。

  5.前面的主语是单数,应该也应该是单数。改为results。

  6.这里为何要强调myself? 改为me就可以了。但是,改完以后这个句子还是显得头重脚轻,这不是正常的英语句子。

  7.这句话过于简短,突然冒出一个短句让人难以接受。

    段落结构:

3月雅思考试:雅思作文批改实例展示之鱼肉

03-26

 

    WRITING TASK 1 (题目:剑7-2)

  The line graph illustrates changes (1) in fish and meat consumption in a European country from 1979 to 2004.

  1. 前面加上the.

  As can be seen from the graph, beef was the best sell (2) in 1979, standing at 220 grams per person per week. The consumption of chicken and lamb came next (3) with comparatively similar figure (some 150 grams), while much less fish was consumed (3) with only 60 grams.

  2. best sell可不能直接作名词哦,名词是bestseller,不过这个词一般只用来表示“畅销书”。这里可以改为best-selling meat.

  3. 这里最好加一个逗号。

  However, things changed a lot (4) during the (5) 25-year period. The amounts of beef and lamb consumed dropped dramatically to 100 grams and 55 grams respectively in 2004. The consumption of fish showed a slightly different picture, which kept stable at around 50 grams. In sharp contrast, the consumption of fish (6) experienced a significant increase, overtaking that of lamb and beef in 1980 and 1990 correspondingly. It reached a peak of 250 grams in 2004, which was almost doubled (7) comparing to that in 1979. (8)

  4. a lot是口语词,写作中禁止使用!可改为significantly。

  5. 这里最好加上一个following. 在接下来的25年期间。

  6. 这个应该是笔误吧?应当是chicken.

  7. 请牢记double, triple/treble, quadruple的用法!这个词是不及物动词,直接作谓语就可以,前面不要加be动词!这里其实你想表示的是“A是B的两倍”,应该用横向比较的公式A is twice/ …ti...

3月雅思考试:雅思作文批改实例展示之环保

03-26

 

   WRITING TASK 2

  You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

  Write about the following topic:

    Environmental problems are too big for individual countries and individual people to address. In other words, we have reached the stage where the only way to protect the environment is at an international level.

    To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

  Write at least 250 words.

  Recent decades have witnessed enormous environmental challenges, such as toxic groundwater, polluted air and acid rain. Although many people subscribe to the belief that these problems are so big that can be only addressed at an international level , (1)I only partly agree with it . (2)

  1. 同义改写的力度还可以再大一些的!big可以改为severe; addressed 可以改为tackled, at international level 可以改为through international cooperation.

  2. 没有这样写的啦。其实你的意思就是不同意。可以改为具体一点的内容,I believe that individual countries and citizens also play a key role in environmental protection.

  It is true that environmental concerns should be dealt with through joint efforts from countries. To start with, problems today like dust storms are so widespread that they can hardly be confined to one particul...

雅思作文批改:住房问题搬迁就能解决?

06-08

 

  TOPIC: Traffic and housing problems in major cities can be solved by.moving the large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

  下面为一考生的回忆,这是中国考生普遍的写作思路(经典案例):

  居然要把大公司和大工厂都搬到农村去?解决交通和住房问题? 偶第一个不同意

  先讲讲人权问题,凭什么要大公司的搬,大公司的人就不是人么?再考虑一下搬那么大一个公司要花多少钱?谁来替欧们出? 该死的,有钱干嘛不去多建设些地铁?偶们虽然在大公司收入比较高,但好歹也上有小下有老,我们每天也要回家的。你以为公司搬了,我们每个人都爱厂如家了? 去死吧,我们要每天开车回家的啊,这个都没想到?你还改善个P交通啊。

  还是来谈点实际吧,想解决问题? 来来来,听我细细说来,最起码也要多盖房子,多建地下铁,用城市包围农村---别问我为什么,这个好像是XX领袖说的。或许我们还可以搞搞高科技,什么天空之城啦,空中飞车啦,将来不再是梦了。

  点评:

  此考生在打"擦边球",即偏题但没有完全跑题.这种情况下就算是英语专业博士生,最高也只能拿6分.

  我先来boil down the topic: moving可以解决 traffic and housing problems, 你同意吗?也就是说, 人家是为了解决traffic and housing problems才建议大动干戈搬迁大公司工厂及员工的.

  你若同意,你就必须维护这个建议, 论证为何可行;你若不同意, 则须批驳这个建议,即论证为何不可行.

  所以最简单直接的方法就是一个主体段落论证traffic problems--traffic jams, traffic accidents --搬迁能解决吗? 另一段主体来论证housing problems--high density, sky-high prices, too less spaces per dweller--搬迁能解决这些问题吗?

  好了!有了总体的思路,咱来看此考生是怎样偏题的.(分解成5部分来点评)

  1. "讲讲人权问题,凭什么要大公司的搬,大公司的人就不是人么?再考虑一下搬那么大一个公司要花多少钱?谁来替欧们出?"-----------------全部与答题无关, 扣!

  2."该死的,有钱干嘛不去多建设些地铁?"----------假如反对,这可作为solution, (后面已有, 重复了)

  3. "偶们虽然在大公司收入比较高,但好歹也上有小下有老,我们每天也要回家的。你以为公司搬了,我们每个人都爱厂如家了? 去死吧,"-------------与答题逻辑联系不紧,扣!

  4."我们要每天开车回家的啊,这个都没想到?你还改善个P交通啊"----------全文就这一...